SPACE VAPOR AND ICE CRYSTAL

SPACE VAPOR AND ICE CRYSTAL©
Esperanza Lee-Garcia
2201 A.D.E-2242 A.D.E


These are the thoughts, feelings, emotions, and
vocal sound arcs of Major Esperanza Lee-Garcia—a pilot
and navigator of the 27th company, Imperial Space
Flight Academy, Utopia Plenitia Mars Colony.
By Imperial Order 7521 and in conjunction with the Human
Preservation Act of 2167 A.D.E, Major Esperanza
Lee-Garcia’s last thoughts were provided for public
and private usage. This is done with the hopes of
keeping the human spirit intact. We must never end
the desire to be a more human-race.
Esperanza Lee-Garcia was a warm and caring
human-being, with family, friends, and colleagues who
will miss her dearly.
May her essence never fade from our memory.


0013.20 G.S.T Geo Standard Time
Now I am floating in the velvet veil of infinity.
The stars that I used to dream about in my youth
appear to be only small balls of lint stuck to an
uncaring fabric of black space-time.
The silent explosion of my ship echoes my own hope—or
lack of it, somewhere deep in the essence of my being.
My mind is frozen in fear, but I don’t even have the
uncomfortable feeling of sweat trickling down my
forehead and annoyingly lodging the hairs of my
eyebrow to reassure me of just how helpless I am.
The engineers who designed this space-suit thought of
everything didn’t they…tears, sweat, urine, even the
vapor of my breath gets purified and then recycled to
the vital areas of my body. All of this, just to keep
me alive. Hopefully my self-distress message reached
someone…
“it probably didn’t.” [sound arc .39 radians]
[thought extrapolation, sound arc]


0419.28 G.S.T Geo Standard Time
Hope, what is hope when you’re thirteen light-years
away from the nearest anything. Hope doesn’t belong
with the silent cassava of fire that used to be my
space ship. Now just a pale green space-pea glowing
faintly for me to look at with self pity.
[thought extrapolation]


0623.19 G.S.T Geo Standard Time
I don’t even see shadows in outer space.
I feel so strange…
Now I’m crying?!?
Instantly my tears evaporate.
“What an efficient fucking space-suit!”
[snd arc .63 radians]
“Oh fucking well.” [snd arc .51 radians]
[tht. xtrp., snd arc]



0927.16 G.S.T Geo Standard Time
I’m floating and,
“it’s getting har…der…and harder to breathe.”
[snd arc .46 radians]
That’s funny, I never knew space felt so soft…so
comfortable.
Probably like those old-style cotton pillows, just
like the ones my great-grandmother used to talk about.
The kind she had when she was a little girl.
I bet things were different then.
I guess the only things that stay constant are our
feelings.
“Maybe I’m wrong.” [snd arc .42 radians]
[tht xtrp, snd arc]


1041.22 G.S.T Geo Standard Time
My body feels like ice now.
My eyelids feel frozen.
My mind…I mean my brain
is the only thing that seems to be working.
I can now remember any point of my life,
as easy as breathing used to be.
If dying is what I think it is,
then giving birth to twins without pain inhibitors
is the most difficult thing in the universe.
{laughter} [snd arc .39 radians]

Azal and Jodi sure grew up quick.
I’m enjoying every last memory of those two.
…Damn.


1310.09 G.S.T Geo Standard Time
I.M.R or Instantaneous Memory Recall.
One of the many self-preservation protocols designed
into this suit. “In the event of terminal exposure to
a harsh environment. Or failure to replenish the main
life support system after prolonged exposure to said
environment (i.e my situation). All necessary life
functions will be shut down and the essence of the
said individual (i.e my memories and experiences),
will be preserved in the Artificial Neural Net (or
A.N.N) of the Organic Bio-feedback Life-preserving
Space-Suit (or O.B.L.I.S.S).”

So my self is being “preserved” for you lab rats to
analyze who knows how many years from now. Logical,
rational, and barely human…the signature cologne of a
sexually repressed engineer. What an interesting
payoff for death. I’m dying, but my thoughts will be
waiting for some curious on-looker to look.
“Well look at me!!!”[snd arc .82 radians]
[tht xtrp, snd arc, I.M.R]

1419.52 G.S.T Geo Standard Time
Maybe I’ll be reincarnated into a bumblebee.
Because I suddenly have a craving for Ovalteen
drenched in honey. With crackers! Yes…Saltines!!!
[tht xtrp, 343.21.345 ???]

1623.38 G.S.T Geo Standard Time
I guess my ex-husband was right about me.
“One day your impulsive nature will get the best of
you,” is what he used to say.
Well fuck him and his tongue.
[tht extrp, I.M.R/snd arc 1.02.112 radians]


1845.55 G.S.T Geo Standard Time
I wish I could kiss him just one last time.
Our wedding day.
“I do”
The day of our divorce.
He called me Profesora Scatterbrain…
“I AM NOT A SCATTERBRAIN!!!” [snd arc 1.27.0677
radians]
“gasp, cough, cough, gasp, cough” [snd arc, 1.41
radians]
“…I am not” [snd arc, .19 radians]
[tht xtrp, I.M.R/snd arc]


1900.21 G.S.T Geo Standard Time
This space-suit won’t let me die!
It’s preserving every last piece of me.
I can feel it violating me.
Searching and saving everything,
From the day I had my first period to the day I lost
my virginity…
Searching and saving everything,
From my favorite baby toy, Wally Da Wabbit, to the day
I graduated the academy….
Searching and saving everything,
The good and the bad…
Searching…and saving
The strong and the weak…
Searching and saving,
The little girl and the mother…
Searching and sa—